Harder than I ever imagined.
I want to be back and never leave. There is just something special about that orphanage and no place in the world can compare. It absolutely tears my heart apart each and every morning when I wake up and come to terms that 220+ children won't be downstairs to say, "Gooood morning, Shabbi! Let's go play!"
Before I left for Kenya, I knew coming back would be hard. I had seen Molly come back twice already and you could hear the longing in her voice when she would tell stories and know that she just wanted to be back. In order to prepare for that, I began to pray that God would comfort me and give me peace during the transition back to the real world. The Lord definitely heard my prayers.
No, it wasn't perfect or easy or anything like that, but through continual prayer, I felt peace. Some days are easier than others, but I know that God doesn't want me in Kenya. Not right now, at least.
He wants me in Auburn.
My mission trip did not end in Kenya. No, it is still going on all around me. The world is my mission field. Every step I take and every person I speak to is all in part of God's divine and sovereign plan. He sent me to Kenya to impact not only the orphan's lives, but my own life as well. He took me away from this place which I fell so in love with because He wants me in Auburn. He knows this is where I will glorify Him best at this moment and at this point in time.
The Lord knows me better than I know myself and I have full confidence that on the day of Judgement, My King will come before and tell me that He placed me exactly where I needed to be.
Yes, I still long for Kenya. Yes, I want to go back. BUT GOD has me where I am and I can trust and rest on Him because I know that He wants me in Auburn now and because of the great love He has for me, I trust Him with everything I have.
The Lord is teaching me a lot right now, and I am so happy and excited about that, but yesterday, my heart was broken for another reason.
I found out that one of the girls from the orphanage is very very sick.
Esther has an immune deficiency disorder that makes it hard for her to fight off any infection. When she does get ill, it is very hard for her to recover. Please join me in praying for healing over Esther and for all of the other orphans during this time.
I'm scared.
I just want Esther to be okay. However, I know that The Lord has His hand over this situation and no matter what happens, I will glorify Him even more.
Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
-Hebrews 4:16
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| Esther |
